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How to Have Fights that Strengthen Your Relationship

Fighting is never fun; It is exhausting, time consuming and at time overwhelming. When you feel passionately about something, or your feelings are hurt, it is natural to take a stand and make it known that whatever is happening it not okay with you. If you learn to face conflict and work towards a resolution, fighting can be beneficial to your relationship and even strengthen your relationship. Letting your partner know you are upset, is important information for them to have. 

“You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.” Jon Kabat-Zinn


Decide If It is Your Partner Making You Mad

Sometimes there are other things going on in your life and since you are comfortable with your partner,  they get caught in the crossfire. If you had a rough or stressful day, share it with your partner, so they know that you being snappy is not a reflection of something they did. 


See the Other Person’s Point-of-View

There is that old adage that you should walk a mile in someone else’s shoes before you judge them. Give your partner the benefit of the doubt, let them explain themselves before you get too caught up in your emotions. Even if two people are very similar they are still going to act differently. Learning how to acknowledge another person’s feelings and emphasizing with them is key to living more harmoniously. Think about what you want to say, and how you would react if your partner said the same thing to you.


Be Open to the Idea of Compromise

You may be certain that you are not in the wrong, but refusing to move on just hinders a solution. You don’t want to obsess about being right, your energy is best spent on trying to reconcile. The point of arguments is to promote discussion, not fight til the death. No one wins, if you insist on being the last one standing. Don’t discount each other feelings. If the issue was important enough to be brought up, it is imperative to discuss it fully and at the very least meet at the middle.


Try to Be Kind

In the heat of an argument, it is easy to say things that you don’t mean, that are hurtful to your partner. Remember it is better not to say it, because anything you say cannot be unsaid. The hurtful things you say will echo in your partners mind every time you have a disagreement. Try to stop yourself and remember all the qualities you cherish and the reason you feel in love with your partner in the first place. 


Stating that you care about the other person and that you appreciate them can go a long way. I had a boyfriend who would always end our fights by saying something that he loved about me. It is the best way to get your relationship back on track and It always made me feeling better about our relationship.


Move Forward Not Backward

Bringing up the past won’t make things better. If you were in a court room and you were trying to make your case it would make sense, but as long as you are being heard, there is no reason to bring up past incidences. Those fights are over, case closed. Stick with the current argument. Clear the air and working towards a resolution. 


Never Go to Bed Angry

This is another cliche is important to remember. The worst thing that can happen is having your fight extend over a few days. The situation just escalates and both parties have more time to stew. The point of bringing up a conflict it to talk it out, and hope that everyone involved feels better. It is like deciding to wait for the explosion instead of  attempting to defuse the bomb first. 


It Takes Two

Just as it takes two to argue, it takes two to make up, and two people to make things better. If the person is important to you, you should want to make them happy. If they are putting effort in, you should put equal effort in. You are going to run into the same fights unless you make a change. The two of you are on the same team, you both want harmony, so find a way to achieve this.


Take Some Space

I have fight instincts, but majority of men tend to have flight instincts. They avoid conflicts at all costs. After having a long discussion, sometimes it is a good idea to just give each other space and be alone with your thoughts. Spending time with your friends, or alone can allow you to gain a better perspective.



Post Fight is Just As Important as the Fight

After a fight the air shouldn’t feel tense anymore. Giving the cold shoulder makes the situation uncomfortable. When you say I am sorry, it is important to vocalize the situation and show that you understand. Be very clear, ” I am sorry I ….and this made you feel .. in the future I am going to….so this doesn’t happen again”. Continuously making the same mistakes over and over again is the biggest insult to your partner. Fighting shows that you still care about your relationship and want to make things work. Giving up is the first indication that they relationship is probably over. 

Constant fighting can ruin a relationship, but it can also be overcome. Working towards being more understanding and showing your partner that you value them is something you will not regret. Refusing to work on your relationship and pushing your partner away is something that you will regret. It is important to be fully invested in your relationship, so you are not wasting anyone’s time. When you refuse to be different, and work with your partner, you are telling them that you would rather remain miserable, than try to be happy together.  

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